The transcript to that one episode of SpongeBob where Squidward gets head trauma
episode starts with Squidward listening to the radio. *'Narrator:' in Squidward’s bathroom Feel droplets gently cascade over your body. *'Squidward:' the bathtub Oh yeah... *'Narrator:' Visualize yourself in a private grotto. visuializes himself in a resort-like tub Focus your perceptions on the native fauna, and the soothing nature of their rustic calls. scallop laughs like Patrick *'Squidward:' Huh? *'Narrator:' You are one with nature. *'Squidward:' Ahh... laugh like SpongeBob and Patrick, Squidward's fantasy sequence ends What the—!? and Patrick giggle, Squidward goes to the window Barnacles! *''and Patrick are playing with baby toys'' *'Patrick:' How do you like that, baby? *'SpongeBob:' laughs Oh, yeah. Well, what do ya think about this, baby? and Patrick laughs *'Squidward:' Question. Are you two acting even more infantile than usual this morning? *'SpongeBob:' Uh-huh. ‘Cause I found a box of my old baby toys in the attic, and we're playing with them. pulls down blinds Hey! My old teddy walrus! This stuff really takes me back. teddy walrus *'Patrick:' on pacifier Yeah. it makes me feel baby-ish. Oh, Look at me I'm a baby. on thumb *'SpongeBob:' giggles Babies don't talk like that, Patrick. They talk like... and Patrick start talking baby talk. SpongeBob plays xylophone. Patrick plays with ring toss. SpongeBob plays with mallet and whistle. Patrick still plays with ring toss. SpongeBob and Patrick are both playing with baby toys. Squidward gets angry and walks out of his house naked *'Squidward:' Just as the essential oils were kicking in. and Patrick play on a scooter Hey! I'd appreciate some quiet! and Patrick scoot away How dare you scoot away from me, I'm scolding here! and Patrick play with a Jack-in-the-Box Would you two for once, act your age! from Jack-in-the-Box pops out; SpongeBob and Patrick cry Fine! Act like infants your whole life! See if I care. I'm returning to my grown up lifestyle. So KEEP IT DOWN!!!! on a toy boatmobile, gets his head stuck in a scooter and crashes into his mailbox *'SpongeBob and Patrick:' Squidward! head swells up *'Patrick:' Hey, he's mumblin' and droolin' like a little baby. *'SpongeBob:' Well, I don't know, Patrick. He isn't looking so good. He should probably see a doctor. Come on, let's take him to the hospital. *'Patrick:' Hang in there, buddy. We'll have you fixed up in no time. and Patrick carry Squidward to the hospital *'Purple Doctorfish:' Hmmm? *'SpongeBob:' So what's the prognosis, doctor? *'Purple Doctorfish:' Your friend has a condition known by the medical term of Head-go-boom-boom-itis. Not to worry, though, he should recover over normally over time, but he mustn't receive any more blows to the head or he may remain this way permanently. Just care for him as if he were your very own bouncy baby boy and he'll be fine. to SpongeBob's house *'Patrick:' Hey, little Squidward. Ready to have some fun? Woop-ee-doo! Squidward up to ceiling *'SpongeBob:' Okay, Squiddy! Din din is ready. Where is our little miracle? Squidward stuck in ceiling Patrick, how could you! up Patrick and pulls Squidward out of ceiling There, there! My little darling. We're supposed to protect his head, remember? top of high chair to Squidward's face''Okay, Squiddy! I made your favorite. Krill tartare with an algae vinaigrette. ''food on Squidward's high chair Here it comes, open wide! rejects food Come on, little buddy, you got eat healthy so you can grow up to be big and cranky. Just watch the airplane land in the hangar. airplane engine and sticks the spoon in Squidward's mouth See, Patrick, sometimes you have to out-think the baby. spits food at SpongeBob and throws plate You know, Patrick, maybe we... *'Patrick:' food off SpongeBob Ahh, thanks for sharing, baby *'SpongeBob:' Okay. Time to lighten things up. Do you like games, Squiddy? *'Patrick:' Games? Games is our middle name! *''and Patrick play Kelpy Cake. Squidward claps'' *'SpongeBob:' You like that, Squiddy? *'Patrick:' He does. and Patrick try to get Squidward to play Kelpy Cake. Squidward slaps SpongeBob and Patrick and throws them up *'SpongeBob:' Ohh, this game's kinda dangerous. crawls out door *'SpongeBob and Patrick:' Squiddy! truck goes towards Squidward and truck driver falls asleep Squiddy. No! *'Patrick:' Don't worry. I got this. a pavement and truck flies away. He then sets down the pavement, and a fanfare plays *'SpongeBob:' Hooray! road landed on Squiddy’s head, gasps Squidward! lifts up the pavement Squiddy, are you okay? Squidward. Patrick sets down the pavement We need to do a better job of protecting him. truck crashes into Squidward's house. SpongeBob and Patrick put Squidward in a cage, and he cries *'SpongeBob:' There, there now, no need to cry. Squidward out of cage and tries to calm him down *'Patrick:' Don't worry, he'll be settled down in couple of minutes. watches TV while SpongeBob carries Squidward, crying, SpongeBob goes to bed while he holds Squidward crying, SpongeBob takes a bath while Patrick holds him, then vice versa, SpongeBob holds him crying while Patrick puts on earplugs, then noise-canceling headphones. They eat while Squidward cries, Squidward eats and spits food out on them while crying, both of them are tired while Squidward is crying. *'Narrator:' 72 hours later. *'Mr. Krabs:' It's one minute till opening. Where the barnacles are me employerees? I don't pay them to be late. Patrick and Squidward appear, lightning flashes *'Patrick:' Taking care of a baby sure is hard. *'SpongeBob:' You said it! I'm exhausted! Hey, Patrick. I have to go to work. Would you mind holding Squidw.... falls asleep I guess it's just you and me, little fella. *'Mr. Krabs:' SpongeBob, Squidward, enough duff-dragging! Get to your stations, pronto! *'SpongeBob:' Mr. Krabs, Squidward is in no condition to perform his Krusty duties. around to show Mr. Krabs that Squidward is a baby. Squidward makes baby noises The poor guy has the mind of an infant. *'Mr. Krabs:' I don't care if he has seaweed-for-brains. He needs to be behind that register. We've got customers out there just begging to hand me their money. customers outside begging to come in with their money *'SpongeBob:' But... *'Mr. Krabs:' No buts! Get to work, you two! *'SpongeBob:' into the table and Squidward flies into his work station All settled into your work station, I see. Maybe you're ready for your Krusty duties after all! Now let's make it official! Squidward a hat, which he rejects Oh, how silly of me! a high chair and picks up Squidward''Squiddy needs a high chair! ''the high chair near the register and puts Squidward in it. Squidward bangs his head on the cash register And duct tape! Squidward to the chair and puts his hat on''Oh, Squiddy! I'm so proud of you! Just yesterday, you were drooling all over me! And look at you now, working and sitting in a big boy seat! ''eyes get full of tears *'Mr. Krabs:' All right! That's enough, you two. Time to serve some customers! race in to order *'SpongeBob:' Remember, buddy! I'll be right behind you! *'Billy:' Can I get a Krabby Patty and a large kelp shake, please? makes baby noises and hits his head with a rattle Okay, how much do I owe ya? drools, laughs and sucks on Billy's hand *'SpongeBob:' his head out the kitchen window Squidward! That's not for eating! a napkin and polishes Billy's hand There we are. Good as neww-! sucks on Billy's head That's not for eating either! Squidward off Billy's head Sorry, sir. *'Mr. Krabs:' Hop to it, boys. We haven't even taken our first order! *'SpongeBob:' Yes, Mr. Krabs. Squidward a pencil and pad of paper You know what to do. grabs the pencil and paper and laughs, throwing the papers into the kitchen Thanks, Squiddy. I can also count on, huh... that Squidward doodled on the pieces of paper Will this be for here or to goo? out the kitchen window, where Squidward is laughing and tossing the papers around We have to work on your penmanship, Squiddy. laughs and doodles on Nat's face *'Nat:' My face! My face! Also my leg, but mostly my face! *'Pilar:' Hey! Are you going to take an order or what? opens the register, hits his head and cries *'SpongeBob:' Squidward! Yelling at a poor, defenseless baby! You oughta be ashamed! *'Pilar:' Listen, man! I'm done playing these baby games! the stench of Squidward's rotten diaper''Oh, my Neptune! ''continues to cry and notices his stinky diaper *'Customers:' What is that? What is it? *'Mr. Krabs:' What in blazes is going on around he...... Whoa! Mr. Squidward! bangs his head''Where are your manners? *'SpongeBob:' Mr. Krabs, watch his head! *'Mr. Krabs:' Watch his head? Why don't you watch his diaper? ''notices Squidward's stinky diaper And get it changed! *'SpongeBob:' Yes, sir! Yes, sir! to a table to change the diaper, where customers are eating Oh. *'Fred:' We're eating here! *'SpongeBob:' Sorry! to change Squidward on the floor *'Customer:' Hey, I'm trying to walk here! *'SpongeBob:' Sorry! to change Squidward near the condiments *'Suzy Fish:' the dirty diaper and is disgusted Hey, I was gonna get ketchup there! *'SpongeBob:' Sorry! Squidward to the cash register to change him Okay, Squiddy! Hold still! And, oh, boy! *'Mr. Krabs:' Are you out of your ever-living mind?! We can't change that baby out here in front of the customers! Take him in back where the food is prepared. get disgusted and leave Oh, that's it! Get that poopy baby out of me restaurant! *'SpongeBob:' Mr. Krabs, if my poopy baby isn't welcome here, then I'm not staying either! on Squidward's baby rattle and ends up in the kitchen, where he bangs Squidward's head on the frying pans and ice machine. Ice ends up on Squidward's head. SpongeBob gasps Squidward! turns back to normal *'Squidward:' What the? Where am I? What's going on? *'SpongeBob:' Oh, Squidward, you're back to your normal grown-up self. *'Squidward:' Of course I'm grown-up! Why wouldn't I be?! he's wearing a diaper Am I wearing a diaper? *'SpongeBob:' Yes. *'Squidward:' Is it full? inside diaper and screams *'SpongeBob:' Sorry, Squidward! I was gonna change it, but I got in the wra... puts his hand over SpongeBob's mouth *'Squidward:' Stop! Not another word about this! Ever! *'SpongeBob:' Kids, they grow up so fast. Category:Spongebob Category:Spam Category:Transcript Category:New Spongebob Category:Gross